I have this tendency to go full "hermit" mode when I have an upcoming exam or assignment. What this means is, I'd pack my lunch and dinner, or I'd just have something outside. Today was one of those days, where I figured I needed a break from my cove and went out to have dinner.
I decided to sit at  a tiny table in Mamak Village, next to this table full of whom I'm assuming as Malaysians, judging their mother tongue. After ordering my food, I just sat down and waited while scrolling through Facebook and other things on my device.

Usually when I'm eating in my room or alone outside, I tend to bust out my phone/ipad/laptop and just watch Youtube videos while I'm eating. And for some reason, this makes me "eat faster", or feel like I'm rushing to eat my food. Not really sure how this works, but I've done it enough times to feel the difference.

But somehow, it was different today. I decided to just sit and eat my food, without watching any videos or using any devices. And surprisingly, despite the noise around, I felt really calm. I felt comfortable in the midst of noise and sound. I wonder why.. was it because I haven't been around people for so long? Was it because I was comfortable with listening to people speak Malay after so long? I don't really know.. but I do remember considering whether it was a good study environment,thinking if I should go to the ASB or Law Library to study.
Well, I'm back in my own room now, just taking a break before going back to Infectious Diseases. Definitely having that calmness has given me a "fresh" frame of mind.
Still have a lot to study, probably am not gonna finish. But I'm praying the LORD will give me the perseverance to continue on and not procrastinate(as I always do).

Thanks for reading, just felt like I needed to share that. If you've experienced it too, just know you're not alone.

Cheers.
JT

I want our friendship to last forever.
Not just on a superficial basis, but perhaps become two people whom can talk just about anything at anytime.
Indeed you have become someone special, regardless of whether I admit it or not.
Seeing online couples get together and breakup is really saddening, what's more if they are close friends of ours.
While we are not together in real life, your companionship both in game and out of game is something unique that is rarely found in many.
We are so similar in so many ways, and that often brings light to dull days.
I don't know how long we will both be gaming, and I don't know what will happen in the future. But I type this as a reminder that this really existed, that the two of us being friends and online partners is/was true. And I hope that when I look back at this, we will still be together. For better or for worse.
So stay with me, will you?
Don't go just yet. There's so much more we can achieve.

Thanks, Topis. You are one of a kind. <3 nbsp="" p="">Love,
Tupis 

So a few weeks ago I made a resolution saying I would blog more.
---- well that didn't work out so well xD
Anyway, here's another one for the book.


I used to think it was a major thing when I turned the big 2 0 last March. Well, I guess it hit me pretty hard? Being 20 in a new country, new people, what's not to be big about?
This year, it hit me more that I'm not longer the kid that I've always wanted to be. Just last night I was browsing Instagram (yes, generation Y) and came across a friend who has just got engaged. At 21.
I realised how REAL all this has become. Yes, women(not girls anymore) my age are getting married. At my age. It's pretty scary. To think that we are entering this adult world so fast. And to be honest, there are times when I don't feel like an adult at all. Sure we have just entered 2016, but still...
it's crazy to be turning 21 in 2 months. I mean, I'm still gaming, still going out, still can't really drive( I'm working on it) ..and I'm still living in the same roof under my parents. And I STILL want to be that kid who can do all that. But the fact that I'm in uni, away from home, being responsible for what I do all on my own..can be scary. I mean, when I hit 18 that was supposed to be the case already, and I guess one matures with age.. that I just came to my senses recently. I guess I never really sat down to think about it. I don't really know what is to come in the future, if I will still be able to further my studies overseas, whether I'll have to come back to home soil, or even start all over again. But I hope that while I go through it step by step, The LORD will keep me on my toes to always trust Him and never forget what He has done for me. Life is taking me on a fast journey and if I'm not careful, I'll fail to appreciate what I have...and soon the time that I've lost..will be gone forever.

Life will always run along. Do we choose to chase it?

I've yet to find out.

Regards,
JT

Decided to change my blog post to something a bit more close to home;Friends.

Being a gamer, I recently got into joining online video/photo competitions that allows players to win rare items. This year, TOUCH Online is having a competition regarding New Year resolutions. I realize that I often don't make resolutions often as it is hard trying to keep them. But since there is an opportunity, why not? These are some of my resolutions this year C:

1. To procrastinate less -> this will be one of the hardest to start, yet gets pretty simple once I've started doing it.
2. To study harder in uni -> This is also hard as I am not one who loves studying...at all.
3. To be less annoyed when my parents ask for help -> I'm only on holiday for 3 months, and that's all I'm gonna be seeing them for most of the year, so I should probably be more willing to help them out. And they've done so much more for me anyway :')
4. To genuinely love more and envy less -> I say "genuinely" because sometimes I find myself wanting to love for ulterior motives. What happened to the days where "would you like to be friends" actually meant being friends?
5. To remember how blessed I am. -> It's only when we recall the blessings God has brought us that we are grateful despite whatever situation.
6.To have proper work-life balance. -> While I love gaming, I am a university student with a degree at hand. That doesn't mean I have to quit gaming while I'm in uni.
7. To grow closer to God. -> Reading God's word is still a challenge for me, but I know the more I do it, the easier it will be.
8. To TOPUP less -> okay so usually people will want to topup more in the game, but I'm guilt tripping myself as it is e.e I need to learn to be content.

So yeeaaaa...i think thats about it. I hear my mum telling me to study.

Au revoir all, have a great week.

So, usually people reminisce the year BEFORE it ends, so I'm gonna do it a little bit differently.

So hello 2016! 2015 has been a great year and I am looking forward to what 2016 will bring. Nevertheless, I cannot deny that 2015 has been one hell of a roller coaster ride.
Today, on 1/1/16 I have decided to revive and revamp my blog once again. Not because I expect followers or anything,but because it serves as a good place to look back on. Reading past posts allow me to tap back into memories of the past,whether it was about love, or hurt, or something I truly cared about.
So if you are here reading this, WELCOME. But please,don't expect all fun and fluff in this post because heheh, 2015 was a LOT more than just that. Also, for a disclaimer, this post is going to be long. Very long. And do feel free to stop any time you wish. But I feel that I have to write this.

- I will continue tomorrow since I'm feeling sleepy, so goodnight for now! C:

Alright, I'm back. It seems as though the desire to post this seems to decrease the longer I put it off so, I shall go right into it.

2015. What a year. A year once again full of emotional ups and downs and also some faith-challenging tasks. God definitely took my prayer seriously when I told Him to "strengthen me in my faith". Before leaving for Australia, that was one of my prayers. During a sharing last year, I remember one of my youth members sharing about how difficult it was for him to settle down overseas. I recall not thinking too much about it as I thought I would have it easier. I couldn't have been more wrong.
2015 began on a positive note. I was both excited and sad to be leaving Malaysia, the place I have lived in for the past 19 and so years of my life. I had made new friends, preparing to take off to Sydney, Australia. When I got to Australia, everything seemed fine and dandy. Yaaayyy, I was gonna make loads of friends, eat loads of good food, do well in exams, you name it. Alll positive. Until.

Things began going wrong. While I have always struggled with the issues of insecurity and self esteem, it never hit me this bad until that time. Differences in culture, lifestyle and even language started to sink in. But most of all, I built up walls around myself I didn't even notice. While I made new friends, I felt like we never "truly" got along and that I couldn't trust them. I finally understood the meaning of acquaintances and friends. And for the friends I did make, I became envious of them because they seemed to fit in so much more than I did. 2 friends who opened up with time seemed to much more loved by everyone else than me. If there was anything that gave me comfort the most, was having friends and family that I knew loved and cared for me regardless of anything. God knew that. So He decided that I had to learn to lean on Him. He crushed my social circle. Or perhaps, looking at it retrospectively, He used my emotions to crush it myself.

Lonely, hurt, in pain. Cycles of thoughts of "how situations would go" started flooding my mind every day. Of how I would finally open up to my friends at the breakfast table, or suddenly be able to make some witty comment that would break the ice between them and me. All of which never succeeded. And then I would go back to my room feeling even more depressed than ever.
"why not" "what if" "how can this be"  were the questions that came to me. To the point where I could not feel anymore. Happiness, sadness, there was nothing. I woke up everyday feeling empty. I never thought it was possible until that time. How....difficult it was back then.

At this point if anyone is still reading, I'd like to thank everyone who listened to me lament and cry, to the FOCUS people, my family, friends and people back home who were there to encourage me and give me advice. Surely I wasn't an easy person to handle. In everything that took place, church was the only consistent thing in my life where I felt comforted. To Anne Zahra, the lady from Creston who has been through this with me through and through, thank you. You are the walking miracle, not me. To Shreenithi, to Emily, Charmaine, Andrea, Beng, Annette, Angel, Alice, Agata, Dolla, Raymond, Dhanusha, Eileen, Chin Yin, Cher Wei, Petrina, Yan Ling and so many more. Thank you. I cannot thank you enough.

It is only when we look back that we can truly thank God for how things work out. During the winter break, I came back home looking for answers. I was ready to move out of Creston College because I didn't feel like I belonged there, but Beng insisted that I stay on for one more semester. Coming back to Malaysia meant coming back to a place of comfort which I enjoyed dearly. Meeting high school friends never felt so much more to me. I could feel "love" coming back again. I was happy.
The story does not end there.

HLCE(my church) happened to be starting a new series called "Freedom in Christ" during that time. It was a series that highlighted the truths that were in the Bible. Looking back, I may not have be as receptive as I was if all that had not happened to me. I went through the course, taking everything in.
I learnt that anything that was not from God was from the Evil one. That we can choose to not let thoughts overpower us. That we ought to behave our way into good feelings not vice versa. That God giving Jesus up for us was already the greatest gift He could give, and that surely since the most has been given, will He not give the little things too? And the best part? NO ONE can stop us from becoming the person that God has planned for us to become. Not even the evil one. Satan does not know our life down pat, God does.

I finished the course back in Australia. I decided to follow the steps to "break down the strongholds" of my life. Actively reciting verses in my head throughout the day helped me remember God's word given to us so many years ago. They stopped me from overthinking things. Most of all, they gave me courage to continue life as it was.

-They said those who followed the steps would see results in 6 weeks. But I saw them from the very first week. By the second week, my gratefulness for life was restored. I was feeling, yes FEELING again. And I was happy. So genuinely thankful for what God was putting in my life. Slowly but surely, the walls came down. I became closer to my friends in Creston, made new ones in uni, explored new places with new people and even enjoyed my lessons. My confidence in myself as God's child held me firm throughout semester 2. Even though the struggle comes back once in awhile, I can now be honest with God about them. The college which I felt like running from became my home. I now genuinely love the people there. It took awhile, but I am now able to.

God indeed puts us in situations where we have no choice but to lean on Him. He also puts people in our lives to spur us own and towards Him. Anne Zahra was one of them. Talking to her helped me to put my life back in perspective, trying to have a routine took my mind of too many things. And the miracle? After I spoke to Anne Zahra the first time, my mum told me she had prayed just the day before that God would send someone to help me. And Anne was that person. Had I moved from Creston, had I not decided to take that risk in talking to someone, had I not experienced all that turmoil and obstacles, would I have been able to appreciate the little things that God gave to me.


-So what about now? What happens after this? I'm still in a healing stage, for strongholds do not break down immediately and disappear. I still struggle with them, whether being on home ground or not. But I have a stronger conviction that the Lord is here, watching over me, even as I am typing this. Of course I still have issues I have to deal with, but I know I can take them to Him, and that He will be there when I need Him the most.

I know it has been a long, long read. But my 2015 story has finally come to an end. Thank you for sticking with me till the end, I'm sorry if I have offended or hurt anyone throughout last year, and I pray that 2016 will be even more exciting year than before.
May God bless everyone and have great year.

PS: I hope there aren't any typos, and I apologize for any that have appeared, this was probably hard enough to read without them.



Yours Truly,
JT

S.o m.uch h.as H.appened.

As I'm writing this, I have completed my A -levels, Finished A2, gotten my AS results and have just begun my holidays. 
Oh and cashed in Mstar for the first time.
No regrets on the splurge though :> desire fulfilled weee!
Anyway.
Much, indeed much has happened.
Physically and mentally.
Looking back over the past few months when I seemed to be 'in love', now another friend and brother is coming to me about a similar thing.
I wonder if Shreya ever felt like this. Because if I was like that...
'I'M SORRYYYY'!!!
No really. =3=
Day after day I hear the same name,see the same emoticons, and whatnots.
And strangely enough he doesn't come to talk to me about anything else.
But I guess..he is just lonely.
I'm praying God will help me to be there for this brother of mine.
People do get on my nerves too easily after all, but there's a time to practise compassion too.
Anyway,I was once like that too..and people put up with me.
To that friend, it really does seem like you love her alot.But whether it's the real thing..only God will know and can tell you sooner or later.
I do know that many people are chasing her similarly, but if she is yours, she is YOURS.
For Life.And no one can take her away.
But even if not, trust God to know best.
You may be head over heels 'and over head' , but who knows, there may be someone else just waiting for you to throw her off her feet :>
Hang in there bro.
I know what it's like to have a pull at the heartstrings.
Smitten.
Because I was just like you.
But I'm getting better. Stronger, Learning.God willing.
And I hope ...he is too.