SCARED TO DISAPPOINT


God.. please help me.. to do my best. Help me to say no, when I want to. But somehow.. I just can't. I'm scared. Scared to disappoint those around me. So what if I'm at that high a level? From my teacher's face I can see my standard has dropped. A lot. I need to practice. PRACTICE. It sounds kiddish, but my mum has been bugging me to practise my instruments (except guitar and drums) for nearly 10 years. Ten for piano. Sounds unbelievable. Thinking I'm still pro? Choi larh. I really need God's grace and mercy with me.. 
"Does your mum know you hardly practice?"
Yeah she does. And she's scolded me on more than one occasion before.
"Stop la! If you don't wanna practice stop la!"
"Don't want to."
"I'm ok with it."
"I'll do it."

Did I keep my promise?
....
Scared to say NO. Scared to disappoint.
Stress.
Never doing it but afraid of the consequences.
I've hardly any passion to PRACTICE.
Playing for FUN is another thing.
Now I understand.

-why not many decide to do music.

=(
God help me. Amen.

Studying hard. But not on my own ?
What.Where. Would I be without my mother?
I'll fail..
I'm no independent person.
I need to BUCK UP.
With a capital B.
But I want an A in everything.
So I say.
Now I gotta walk the talk.