Once again, emo about things happening in life. Recently got to know about a friend's relationship problems, with the relationship on the line once again. It's only January, but yet things are happening.
Feelings that I thought I had forgotten coming back again. This so called 'pattern' or 'trend' that him and I had is broken again. Makes me wonder, have I been clinging on to this too long? Have I been hanging on to the term 'best guy friend' too hard? I am still emotionally attached to him, someone who is chasing someone else.
Indeed I do not have a crush on him, at least not anymore. And yet, I still miss talking to him. A lot.
maybe too much. Why can't I start the conversation? Why do I hope he will do so first? I know fairly well that friendship is a give and take process, I myself said that. And yet.. I still am afraid to do so.
Why don't I open up as much to him as I would like to? Perhaps I'm afraid of what his response will be.
I am scared that I will compare him with others who try their best to comfort me. Different people are different, and although he does say he is sincere, which I am sure he is, I can't help but... feel that..sometimes his responses are not what I expect them to be. His words to me have a great impact on me. Perhaps I expect more, but how can I? I am willing to give so much, but I should't expect people to return just as much to me.

God,
please help me to let go. I know one day there may be a chance that we no longer keep as close contact as we do now. Help me to slowly release myself from this chasm that has made its presence known in my life.
Perhaps for too long I have been wanting something that was never mine to begin with.And that's the reason for all this pain. Jealousy? Hardly.I was never jealous. I was sad. And not even for myself.
I keep telling him that God has plans for him, and I know He does for me too.
Teach me how to be contented, O Lord, and genuinely  contented. Waiting for the right one is the best thing right now. The last thing I need is to find myself in that confusion pit so many of my friends are in right now. While I want to feel that 'happiness', I do not want that 'pain' that has to come with it. And because of this, I am indeed not ready to face it.
I hope this is a temporary feeling. A2 is around the corner, and I cannot afford to lose focus on my real aim here.
I can say 'I wish'. But my heart tells me it is not possible. I will get stronger. And hopefully, you will too.

Hopefully..we will remain friends in the future.Even that..is uncertain.
But what I do know is, you are important.To me. And I want you to know that.
Thank you..piggy.