R e m i n i s c e n c e

Midnight Musings of a Banana.

Saturday, February 22, 2014 | 10:05 AM | 0 comments

Question: Why do people hide what they are going through?

Answer: Because they don't want people to get hurt.

Argument: But if your friends are true friends, shouldn't we tell them what is going on with us? True friends would stick by each other no matter what.

until now I still don't have an answer to this question.

2014 . It's only more than halfway through February. And I have found out so many things that I thought wouldn't shock me. 2013 seemed to throw at me stuff that I thought once I accepted, nothing could surprise me anymore.

oh yeah. I was so wrong.

Besides A2, and all the pressure that comes with it(and lack of sleep), knowing about my friends, whether good or bad has made me realize how complicated the human race is. Speaking from experience especially.

I made a promise to myself that I would try my best to be as transparent as possible in everything that I do.

Which basically makes me a really bad liar and actor. Not that I'm complaining much.

But.. I never did understand why people would want to act as though everything was fine and dandy, but show another side of them behind the scenes. Or to be specific, on social networks.

I had some friends who did this in high school, but nothing I really noticed.

There seem to be so many more now.

I am guilty of this too. But I rant on Twitter when I am in 'bipolar' stage, meaning that I am only like that during that period of time.

I find it difficult to communicate with friends who have a 'double side' to their life. One side that they portray, another they hide, only to show to a small group of people.

Anyone who reads this and is close to me will know what I mean,

I once wished that people would be more transparent just like myself.

JUST LIKE MYSELF. HAH.

Recently, it has hit me that this cannot be the case. Why?

Who am I to even judge this? I am guilty of superficiality too. I claim to live a transparent lifestyle, but in truth I do write off people sometimes.

For an example, this person opens up to me about his or her problems. I take it all in and sympathize. But this person does it day after day until I reach a point whereby I can no longer give anymore empathy. I just feel... dry. And the worst part is that whether this person is happy or not when he or she is talking to me, I just write off the person completely with flat answers and little interest. Although this person may not realise, I DEFINITELY DO. At least now.

Ironically, to yet another person who seems to be going through troubles but does not emphasize them, I am still able to ask him or her frequently about what is the matter,and genuinely try to cheer them up.

I realised this today when I was talking to two particular people at once.

superficiality. I am guilty as charged.

So why am I writing this?

I feel the need to express this. No one is perfect and neither am I. To my friends whom I have wrongly judged or have been upset at because you tell me too much or tell me too little, I am truly sorry.

No one is able to understand human nature. I can spend all night thinking about this and not get anywhere. It is a person's decision of how and when to act. I have no right to complain about why people are so complicated; I am complicated too.

What am I going to do to improve?

I will ask God for forgiveness, about what I have been thinking, and I will continue to do my best to be a good friend as I can be. But this time, I will not think too much about all this complexity. Sometimes the only one who really knows what is going on is the person going through it. And God of course. People can make assumptions, but not all these assumptions are necessarily correct.

I'm learning too, learning to move on, learning to do my best, learning to trust God in what the future holds.

College has made me realise that reality is a lot more complicated than what it once was.

I haven't gone into the real world yet. This is just the beginning.

:> And sooner or later, I will learn to just let go and let God.

because that's really all we can do.